Wow

Wow can't believe how long it's been since I last came on here! Sorry :-( It's been so busy, and this time of the year has so many bad and good days, with anniversary dates, birthdays etc... Have to admit I've been feeling sorry for myself a lot over the last few weeks - we have got Claire's birthday to come in two weeks. We had the girls for two weeks over the summer holidays and we took them to Euro Disney for a week. That was very emotional as the last time we went there was with Claireabell, and she was so ill she had to go home after a few days. She made me stay with the girls, that was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. While we were there it was the 3rd Anniversary, the girls each chose a balloon for Claire and they let them off after we watched the parade. The girls were princess's for the day. I want to make the day Claire died a fun day for the girls, as I know this is what Claire would have liked. Being with them makes the day more bearable. We've still been training. It was going a bit slow for a while but we are getting back on track now :-) We are going the Lakes next weekend, so look out for some pics!

Helpless

Three years ago this week we were told the devastating news that our beautiful daughter was going to die, they could do no more for her. She was 23 years old for god's sake, too young to die, she had her whole life ahead of her, so much to live for, so much to give. I've never really spoke openly about this before, how I felt when we heard those words. You don't feel anything at first, you go numb it's not real, it's not happening to you, they are talking to someone else, it can't be us surely? The world is spinning round, I feel sick, I can hear Claire crying saying 'No, my girls, what about my girls?' I want to help her, to make it better for her, but I can't. I'm helpless, totally helpless, I cannot give her a hug and kiss like mums do and make the pain go away, nothing I can do can make any difference now. My beautiful brave daughter is dying and I can't do a thing to help her.

I put my arms around her, try to soothe her, I don't know what to say. I want to say it will be alright, just like she said to me when they couldn't do the first operation, but it won't be alright this time. I just sit there with her and we sob together for what seems like hours. From that minute I hardly ever left Claire's side, I was with her 24/7, every single moment with her was precious, so very precious, just once over the next few weeks I left her side for just 48 hours where I had no choice in the matter. That was the worst 48 hours ever.

If my Claire had been given a smear test at 20 I would not be sitting here writing this today, I would be off out having Sunday lunch with her and her gorgeous little girls. Instead I sit here gazing into the sky thinking is she up there, can she see me? I spend most of my life now just gazing out of the window, deep in thought thinking about the past and wondering what life would be like if Claire was still here. I try to picture her sitting on the clouds waving down at me. What I would give to just see her one more time, to tell her how much I love her, to put my arms around her, to hear her say 'Hiya mum what you up too?' I miss her so so much, the pain today feels worse than the day she fell asleep and left our lives forever.

For you Claireabell my beautiful brave angel. Sweet dreams xxxxxx

Two Gorgeous Little Girls Running for Mummy

On Sunday 8th July, I took part in the Race For Life with my gorgeous granddaughters Megan and Millie-May, this was Megan's second race and Millie's first.

I have to say that I am so very very proud of them both, they are amazing little girls. Millie didn't stop once, when we walked she jogged and when we jogged she ran as fast as her little legs would take her. I don't think she really understands yet where her Mummy is. My heart breaks when I look at her and realise that she will have no real memories of her Mummy, she will have just pictures and things what we tell her, but we will make sure she knows everything about Claire as she grows older and what an amazing person she was. All the way round yesterday she kept hold of my hand, would not let go, she looked at me and said, "Nana, can Mummy see us from the sky?" I of course said yes, she then said, "I think Mummy's shouting go Millie go", trying not to let the tears start, I said I think she is, Millie squeezed my hand real tight and said, "Lets run faster, Nana."

Claire would have been so proud of them yesterday. We completed the 5k in 45 minutes which is 20 minutes better than last year :-) And considering Millie is only 4 and has got little legs I think that is excellent!!!

Megan now has the running bug, she wants to take up running, so next year we aim to run and beat our time again.

The Cycle Marathon

A little late this blog sorry, but better late than never as they say :-)

What a great day we had at the cycle marathon, we were overwhelmed by all the support from everyone, especially the staff at Fit for Free Gym in Speke, they were just fantastic. The bikes were never empty, Clive and I did our fair share :-) Between the two of us we did approx. 100 miles, so proud of myself and Clive of course! It's given me a real confidence boost, because I know now I am capable of doing more than what I have been doing.

Through the day we met some lovely people. People we see everyday in the gym, usually we just nod and say hello, but on Wednesday we were all chatting and getting to know each other. I just can't wait for the next one.

On the day we collected £250, and cycled 356.76 miles.
Thank you to everyone who came along on the day.
http://www.fitforfree.co.uk/

Challenges

Well tomorrow is the Cycle Marathon at Fit for Free Gym in Speke Liverpool. They have been so helpful - they have two bikes in reception and the plan is to keep them going from 7am to 11pm. People taking part are asked to make a donation of however much, it's up to them. They are also offering any non members that take part free use of the gym for the day, and if you want to join just mention my name and Claire's Wish and you won't have to pay a joining fee :-)

So lets hope it's a good day all round! The next event is a rowing challenge and that's on July 27th, the same again need to keep it going from 7 to 11. People can sign up for half hour or 1 hour slots. So if anyone is up for a challenge come along and sign up, it's all for a fantastic cause :-)

http://www.fitforfree.co.uk/

Time Flies

Where have the last few weeks gone? I didn't realise it's been over two weeks since I wrote on here...whoops.

Anyway, last weekend Clive and I went the Lakes again, and guess what... it rained all weekend till it was time to go home Sunday lunchtime :-( We tried the Western Lakes where we've never really been before. We stayed in a little village called Boot, it was gorgeous, Clive chose the bed and breakfast which conveniently had a beer festival on and of course the England match on a 100-inch screen, how strange he chose that one.

The rain didn't stop us from walking though, obviously because it was so wet we couldn't do any serious climbing. As some of you may know I am not save on my feet at the best of times, so anyway we were up bright and early Saturday morning and out walking for 9am. Which is excellent going for Clive especially as it was a Saturday.

We were in the Eskdale Valley where there's a walk around the river - you can either do the flat walk or there is detour with a small climb up to the waterfalls. Of course with us being backward we started the walk at the end, so we got a little confused, well Clive did he seems to be loosing his sense of direction as he's getting older. We had walked a fair few miles when we realised we had come off the footpath. We came to a point where we had to cross the river, there was a  shallow bit with rocks, it was either try cross it there or walk back and retrace our steps. Clive went for trying to cross the river - it's all right for him he has long legs, I'm not that lucky. But amazingly after a lot of balancing on one leg and stretching as far as my legs would go I made it safely across the other side with my feet still nice and dry :-) Job well done to me I think. Luckily enough when we got across there was a sign for the waterfalls so we were back on track. Off we went up to the waterfalls, this was a very slippery path, and in some places quite steep and you had to walk close to the edge, so this tested my fear off sheer drops (well not that sheer but a start). The path up to the falls also includes bridges that criss-cross across the river and the waterfall. They were stunning views and even in the rain it looked just beautiful. As we got the next to last viewing point, there was a warning on the bridge that the path was very steep and very slippery. We stood for a short while and watched other walkers going up an down, it was very close to the edge at some points. I lost my bottle there, I couldn't do it. Maybe I will go back again when its dry and try again. So we made our way back down and finished the walk and strangely enough we found our way back to the pub just in time for lunch and a glass or two of cider.

After lunch we walked to the next village and back so overall we did approx. 11 miles, and we didn't feel tired at the end. It was the weather that stopped us in the end, we felt like we could have walked a bit more.

New Petition

We've been thinking for a while now about what our next step will be in trying to get under 25's screened. We have come up with a petition to allow young girls between the age of 18 and 25 to be allowed to opt in to the screening programme, so if they are worried or have symptoms they should be give the freedom to choose if they want to have a smear. A lot of young girls have no problems and do not worry about it, but unfortunately also a lot of girls have problems and, as we know, they cannot get screened.

Last year when we had our meeting with Professor Kitchener we talked about the possibility of having an opt in system for these girls, he said it was mentioned at the review board in 2009 but not everyone agreed to it so it was just left! So now we have started a petition to get the government to allow these girls the choice, and if they get that smear and it comes back abnormal it should be up to the girl if she wants to have any treatment, it's her life, her body, so it should be her decision. They have not shown any evidence that treatment causes fertility problems or miscarriages, but isn't a long life without a baby better than a life ending at 23?! I read somewhere on one of the various research papers I've read over the last few years, I think it was one of Dr Redman's papers, that it's not the actual smear that does any harm it's the treatment that is required after if the smear comes back abnormal. Again, that should be the woman's choice, her decision, nobody elses!!!

So please sign our petition and share it with all your family and friends. We are also running a handwritten petition along side it. If anyone would like to get signatures please contact me, either on Facebook Claire's Wish or email me claireswish@sky.com.

Back On Track

Last weekend we took Megan and Millie to the Lakes for the day - we need to keep walking every weekend to keep up with the training. So we thought it would be a good idea to get the girls involved in it and get them walking too. What a fantastic day we had! The girls walked their little legs off. Especially Millie, she's such a little star, she really is, and she is such a little poser. I'll post some pics below. They are growing up way too fast. They loved the Lakes and can't wait to go back.

Also last week I slacked a bit on the exercise :-( but I'm back on track this week. I've been to the gym a few mornings, and walked to work too after :-) My friend Fran who I go with is super fit and a lot of her enthusiasm has rubbed of on me. I have a lot to thank her for - she inspires me some days to go that bit further. She talked me into going for a jog last night after work, I thought it can't be that bad I'm doing okay in the gym. How wrong was I, shit it was hard work. After about 5 minutes Fran was running and chatting at the same time, as for me I was gasping for breath!!! Oh dear I have a long way to go yet. It's made me realise just how much more I have to do. But I didn't let it dishearten me, in fact its made me more determined to carry on. I suppose exercising in the gym is totally different from doing it outside. So over the weekend I will try another jog.

Poor Clive hasn't been able to do anything this week, hes not been well and he's had this nasty virus going around. I was skitting him at first saying it was man flu, feel a little guilty now because he really has been unwell, but he's feeling better today just in time for the girls coming tomorrow.

We've got a busy weekend ahead, with the charity market on Monday, the girls are helping on that. We also need to get some walking in too, as Megan and Millie are going to be doing The Race for Life on 9th July, might take us all day with Millie, but she will do it!

Update

Well we have had confirmation that the Trek is now full :-) 120 people taking part! There was so much interest they have arranged another one for November 2013, so if anyone is interested I'll post the link below. You only live once so if you have ever thought "oh it would be so good to do something like that" then you should just go for it!

We've been quite busy this last week, we have now got two Bikeathons arranged in the gym we go to. It's Fit for Free in Garston, Liverpool, they are kindly arranging it all. The aim is to keep the bike going from when it opens at 7am to when it closes which is about 10.30pm. So please if you live near us come and put your name down for a stint. The dates for the gym one are 25th June and 27th July, which also coincides with the Olympics.

Thanks for reading. Please share with all your friends and family and come join us on Facebook :-)

http://www.actionforcharity.co.uk/

Our first proper walk since training began

On Friday we went up to the Lake District to put our training so far to the test, so here goes.......We got up Saturday morning, the weather was overcast but dry :-) Had a delicious full Cumbrian breakfast to give us a good start to the day. We did originally have a walk round Ulleswater Lake planned, now it's quite a very long walk, and poor Clive has had "man flu!" all week, we thought it best to change the plan! So we did two walks over the day totaling approx. 8 miles. The first walk was around Aira Waterfalls, which I have to say are pretty amazing. It was only about 2 miles, but there was quite a bit of climbing. There were some very steep steps, 100 to be exact!! The woman on the National Trust Van assured us that there was bench at the top where we could sit and get our breath back, there was no bench!! But the view was well worth the effort. After climbing back down and giving poor Clive several heart attacks, as I am not the most safest person on steps, (as some of you know, I broke my foot a few years ago, falling down a step about an inch high, and it was in a wine shop) we made it safely to the bottom. Next we went to Grassmere.

In Grassmere we've always done a walk to Easedale Tarn, now the last time we did this was a few years ago, it's approx. 6 miles and around 750 feet. That doesn't sound very much, but it is a very steep 750, and very rocky. It was also very water logged after all the rain we have had lately, I don't understand how this country has a drought, they need to take a walk up Easedale Tarn! So of course it was like playing stepping stones all the way up, poor Clive having to guide me over them trying not to fall off, so you will be pleased to hear that I made it to the top without getting my feet wet :-) but guess what as I reached the top, there was a big squelch and an OH S***, yes in went my foot, it was that wet it went right over my boots. Clive just looks at me shakes his head and laughs, I mean a walk with me is not complete without me getting very wet or muddy. On the way up we only had to stop 2 times. I was very proud of myself and Clive. Once at the top we had a lovely picnic by the Tarn. After we had been fed and watered we both felt refreshed and ready to go again, so instead of walking back down the way we came up, we walked on a bit further around the Tarn and back down the other side. Now I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but going up is a lot easier than going back down, how I never broke my leg I do not know! Once we were back down, we went to Baldry's coffee shop for little reward.

On Sunday morning, we woke up and felt fine until we tried to move, oh dear!!! We ached, so to try and loosen those muscles we did a small walk from Ellterwater to Chesters Coffee Shop. Now this is the best coffee shop I have ever been to, their cakes are the best I have ever tasted and are huge. Then it was off home :-(

Testing The Training

Lets see if the training so far has been worth the effort!

So next weekend we are going to the Lake District for the weekend, we have a walk planned for Saturday, so lets see if all this training so far has been worth while. I hope so!! It's still going very well, not getting fed up yet, in fact the more I do the more I enjoy it. I am noticing a big difference, I've lost just over a stone now, so my clothes are feeling looser. So you know what that means shopping :-) and of course walking round the shops is good exercise!

Sam had an interesting conversation with a nurse this week. She asked Sam about any history of breast cancer in the family, so she told them about Claire and cervical cancer. The nurse was shocked to hear what Sam was telling her, she can't believe that Claire had not been diagnosed earlier. She asked Sam if she was being screened, and was shocked again when she said she wasn't. Sam is 20 this year, we have spoke to our GP about getting her screened, he said he is more than happy to do her a smear, but it's very unlikely the lab will process it because of her age. Again playing god with our lives. So of course we will be paying for her to go private. The nurse also told her that in their training they are told if someone under 25 is showing symptoms or worried then you can give them a smear as it will not do any harm! So why don't they??

Fundraising and Awareness Day

Charity Market Newcastle Staffs Monday 4th June 2012

We have got a stall on Newcastle's yearly charity market in June to raise funds for our Trek. We will be having a tombola, lucky dip etc. so if anyone has any unwanted Christmas presents etc... please pass them our way :-) And if anyone has any ideas for the day to make it more fun and raise more money then please let me know and pop along and give us a helping hand. On the day we will of course be raising awareness of the importance of cervical screening. NO matter how old you are that five minute test can save your life!! So ladies if you've been putting yours off pick up that phone and make that appointment!!

Busy Week

So this week we have started asking people to sponsor us for our Britain Against Cancer Trek :-) Had quite a few already. It's also been a busy week, what with work and trying to fit training in, but we managed it.

I really have got the gym bug, and total weight loss so far is 12lb!!! Which I am happy with as I have been able to have a treat or 2 along the way. Sometimes though I feel as though I cannot do anymore, but what I have done is created a playlist on my iPod of all Claires favourite songs, so just as I start to think of giving in a song comes on and reminds me of Claire and why I am doing this.

Theres also fantastic news this week! Sandra Cousins, Mercedes mum, has reached her target of 100,000 signatures on her petition!! I'm proud to say that Claire's Wish petition is in there too. She is delivering the petition to Downing Street on Monday 23rd April - Cameron will wonder what's hit him. Sadly I cannot go along as we have family commitments, but I will be with them in spirit and wishing them all the luck in the world, and happy that now because there are over 100,000 signatures this now has to go to Parliment for debate!! So hopefully this time they will take notice and do the right thing and admit they were wrong in raising that age to 25.

Watch this space!!!!

Take a look at the Facebook page for the Mercedes Curnow Foundation for the early detection of Cervical Cancer.

Training has begun!

Well, Clive and I joined the gym a couple of weeks ago... have to say so far so good :-) Our other daughter Sam swears I have been taken over by Aliens, and Clive goes the gym 3 or maybe 4 times a week. As for me well.....I am out of the house every morning at 6.30am, round to my friends house (Fran, me gym buddy), and we are in the gym for 7am! I spend an hour or so doing the treadmill etc.... then shower and in work for 9am. Have to admit it gives me a real good boost in the morning, by the time I get to work I am full of beans :-)

Last Thursday I did a taster class of legs, bums and tums and had a go at spinning - mmmmmm maybe I shouldn't have given them a go on the same day. My poor legs were wondering what had hit them the next morning!!

I also go in the evening a couple of nights with Clive, so hopefully the weight will start to drop off soon.

So... so far so good :-)

Claire's Wish Journey To Petra

Okay, so I thought i had better update this blog! Been a while sorry, things going on at home, but we're back now and raring to go :-)

Clive and I have registered for the Britain Against Cancer Trek from The Dead Sea to Petra, its next year 19th to 26th April. Anyone who knows us, especially me, will know what a challange this will be as I am totally unfit, but it is my goal to get fit and along the way raise money for a good cause. All monies raised will go to Cervical and Breast Cancer Research.

So over the next week or so we shall start fundraising, we are just in the process of setting Paypal etc... up, so all you lovely people can sponsor us :-) Please keep watching this space for updates on what we are doing and where. Along the way we shall of course be raising awareness on the importance of Cervical Screening, and of course getting signatures for our petition to get the age lowered back to 20!

In the meantime have a peek at what we will face on our 5-day Jordan Desert trek here:
Britain V Cancer Trek from The Dead Sea to Petra